It's nuts. Its hopeless. It's frustrating.
Try as you might, marketing will remain a mystery as deep and unknowable as dark matter and the Bermuda Triangle.
But still—without it, nothing moves. No marketing, no funnel, no sales. Just a sad little product floating in the void, whispering “Pick me…” into the abyss.
Oh, I know—you think you know what marketing is.
Everybody does.
But the science is in: Marketing is an unknowable entity.
It’s mist. It’s myth. It’s voodoo. It's dangerous.
I find the mystery intoxicating. Maddening. Beautiful.
I've chosen a life of servitude to the gods of marketing—
fickle, humorless beings who change the rules on a whim.
As a growing tech company, there’s no way we could handle marketing on our own. It was overwhelming—until John stepped in. He took it off our backs and made it work. Over three years we grew an average 29% YOY with John as our FCMO.
Mike Elness, Founder, ELDR
It lives in that twitchy space between logic and instinct.
It’s part science, part spell-casting. If you pick it up and try to do it yourself, it will bite you like a Blue Heeler with a wasp up its butt. Better to just set it down and back away slowly.
Without someone leading marketing you'll have zero leads. Someone else will eat your market share. And we can't let that happen. Might as well pass it to someone who knows how to handle it. That's me.
Marketing is just too much for a mid-market business like us to handle on our own. But hiring an agency? Too expensive. As a Fractional Marketing Leader, John fits like a glove—strategic, hands-on, affordable, always pushing us forward.
John Christensen, Founder, FISH!
I take the lead on your marketing so you don’t have to. Strategy, story, systems—and the leads that follow.
$5K–$8K/month.
In two weeks, we’ll uncover your true customer signal and build a plan around it. Customer intelligence → clear strategy → action plan.
$5K flat.
Start at December 2026. You’ve made it.
Now we reverse-engineer exactly how you got there. "Big Consulting" output without Big Consulting.
1 week. One playbook.
$2500 flat.
Marketing never sits still.
Marketing rarely makes sense to the observer.
Marketing will bite you like a blue heeler.
Pass the frustration on to me instead.
105 Elmwood Place East, Minneapolis, MN 55419, us
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